Sunday, September 2, 2007

Mistakes & Regrets

Sorry, this one is more like a journal entry than a fun, upbeat post. Read no further if you were expecting that.

Why, oh why, do hubby and I keep making such costly, life altering mistakes??? Will we ever get it right?? I am so ready to say 'I give'. (This is just me regurgitating "out loud" the week we've had:( )

I just want to be. Period. No one telling me I need to be friends with their snobby wives, no unheard of bugs invading my home, no one watching every move I make. Anonymous. That is the word I am looking for. Can one live, even temporarily, as just anonymous? How 'bout neighborly neighbors, cordial, expecting nothing more? Being able to run to the grocery store in your pj's? Drive out of your driveway without wonder of what the neighbors are saying as they stare, mustering up the slightest wave? When will that happen? I want to be Anonymous. Just if even for a day. I often wonder if life ever really does get fun. Did I miss it? Is there a certain age or stage in one's life when you can really say you are having fun? What happened? With all of our costly mistakes, did we get skipped in that group? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with all of my heart and they are a joy to be around (and yes, they do have their moments, believe me). I let them have a bubble bath, with every single bath toy, in our jacuzzi tub tonight and I just stared at those 4 beautiful children and wonder how we got lucky enough to have them. I want their lives to be fun. Will we even be able to make that a possibility? What if they miss out on the fun too? I feel that we have made so many mistakes that we have really messed up things for them too. I really hope not. I am at a loss tonight. I just don't know what to do anymore. This stage we are at is exhausting. I can't tell you how many times a day I just want to pack us all up and get out of dodge. At this point, I don't think that will ever even be a possibility. We are just plain stuck. Like Sydney used to say, "stuck on bubble gum". LOL! I needed that little chuckle! So sorry for being such a drag. I needed to vent all of that. I don't want to drive, what few friends we have, away with all of our whining and venting.

I promise, I will find and post, something much more fun and exciting within the next 24 hours!!!!!

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